Gary couldn't look more glum as he took his place on the couch in his therapist's office.
"Bad dreams again Gary?" Melinda asked, opening his file.
"No, surprisingly those are getting better. Only once this week," he said, not making eye contact.
"Well that's great," she smiled. "So what has you looking so forlorn this afternoon?" she inquired.
Gary looked up at her hesitantly, and then back down at his hands. He didn't know how to say it. He was scared to say it actually. He'd been seeing Melinda for over a year now and although he thought she was helping him, he also thought hashing up his repressed memories was making him worse.
"I think I should stop seeing you," he said in dull and depressed voice.
"Why?" She looked at him squarely.
"Because although I feel like I've been making some progress, I also feel like... well, like I'm developing deeper problems."
Melinda wrote something in his file and then looked at him. "Explain that please, Gary," she said politely.
His hands were getting clammy and his underarms started to itch like they always did when he got nervous. He fought the urge to put hands in his armpits by picking at the dirt under his fingernails instead. "I... I hit my girlfriend last night," he blurted out, looking up to see her expression. It was somber and hadn't really changed. "But what's fucked up is, I think she liked it. I stopped when I realized what I was doing and told her how sorry I was. She wanted me to keep doing it. I couldn't. I mean, I wanted too, but I know it's wrong and abusive. I saw myself becoming my father. It ruined the whole evening and I couldn't even finish having sex with her. I made her leave and got out a bottle of Jack and drank until I passed out."
"Explain how you hit her, Gary," Melinda said sternly.
"I," he paused for a long moment. "On her ass, I... I wanted to spank her. I wanted to see her plump little gorgeous ass turn red while I fucked her. The site of her cheeks rippling after the slap drove me crazy and I wanted to keep doing it. After twice to each cheek she cried out. I realized I was hurting her and I stopped," he paused looking at Mel for some kind horrid expression, but instead he noticed a slight smirk on her face.
"Mel, she wanted me to continue. She even begged me to at least finish her off, but all I could think of were the cycles of abuse we've talked about here. I told her I couldn't bare the responsibility of seeing her become like my mother and told her to leave. She was mad, told me I was crazy," he sighed, unaware he'd moved a hand up into his armpit, scratching at it.
"I really fucked up, Mel. This has been the longest relationship I've had in 3 years and I fucking blew it."
"Gary," she said softly. "What happened last night between the two of you wasn't abusive. Kinky, yes, but definitely not abusive. In fact, I'd say that because you didn't even think about it before you slapped her ass that your making even better progress than I thought."
Gary pulled his hands from his pits realizing what he was doing and looked at Melinda with a wide-eyed puzzling stare.
She smiled at him before explaining further. "It was your desire that caused you to want to slap your girlfriends ass, Gary. Not violence like your father inflicted upon your mother and you. What your father did was wrong. He
meant to harm when he let his fists fly and he did so out of
anger. That's the difference, Gary. What you did last night came from nothing more than healthy, hormonal driven desire. You didn't want to beat your girlfriend in a fit of rage. You wanted to slap her ass because of the passion the two of you were sharing. And by the sounds of it, she was all for it. You wouldn't believe how many women out there desire their man to spank them like that."
Mel paused, a mild blush spreading across her cheeks while she looked at Gary's large, rough hands. "I can understand her frustration when you freaked out about it and couldn't finish what you started."
"Mel, your blushing." he said.
"I know, and I'm trying not to, but in a way this is good. For you, I mean." Mel repositioned herself in her chair. Sitting up straighter, forcing herself to stop looking at his hands.
"Now you know that I am among the throngs of women who find erotic spanking a turn on. Much like your girlfriend, who I hope you plan to talk to and make amends with. I think from the other things you've told me about her that she's very good for you. You're nightmares are ceasing more and more. Your jobs keeping you busy, and you're starting to overcome your fears. I have very little doubt that you are going to turn into your father. I'd say that in a few more months you're no longer going to need to come and see me at all." She forced a smile.
"So you think it's normal of me to want to... well, you know. Do stuff like that? I'm not passing on the vicious cycle of physical abuse?"
Mel let out a little chuckle as she stood from her chair. Her way of indicating that their time was up. "I think that you and that pretty young lady of yours should have a bit of a heart to heart about what you both desire. And as long as the spanking and any other kinks you may have are consensual between the both of you that you are both very normal."
Gary smiled as he got up feeling a flood of relief wash through him. He was even more pleased that Mel thought he was making such good progress. Maybe by Christmas all of what had happened would be behind him and he could finally start moving forward with his life. Maybe he'd even get Penny an engagement ring for Christmas if she agreed to take him back after what happened last night.
"Thanks, Mel," he said as he hugged her. "See you in a couple weeks." He smiled a genuinely happy smile as he left.
Her shoulder blades tingled from where his large strong hands had recently touched her
. Now you just stop yourself from thinking like this Melinda Kane. She knew she wouldn't be able to though as she looked at her watch. She had 20 minutes before her next appointment.
More than enough time, she smiled.
