My bitter half came home from work one night and said, "You'll never believe what happened at work today."
I looked at him quizzically, normally he never shares much about his work environment. But to give a bit of insight to help you picture this the way I did. He works an industrial job as a machine operator. I call it his Homer Simpson Job because he sits in a little glass tower with an overview of the plant operations and send parts to where they need to go.
Now because he has this highly special job of sitting in front of a panel of glass and playing with buttons and knobs he is also privileged enough to have a radio. No, not the kind that plays music. A communications radio. Lead men, foreman, and tower operators get radios. Needless to say my bitter half gets to hear everything that comes across those radios.
So there he sits doing his job and right before lunch he hears his foreman call Joe-blow (not the guys real name) into his office. Little did either of them know, the foreman's radio mic was on. So everyone with a radio was listening to the conversation that went a little something like this.
Foreman: Joe, do you know why you were called into the office?
Foreman: No idea at all, Joe?
Foreman: Remember the last time you were in my office, Joe?
Joe is silent. Maybe he nodded his head or something.
Foreman: Joe, masturbating at work is a serious offense, and this is the third time you've been reprimanded for this.
(roars of laughter erupt in the tower as well as the from the men on the floor, but the foreman and Joe don't know because they're in the office)
Joe: But who? I mean how?
Foreman: Cameras Joe, this time you were caught on camera. Right here sitting in my chair of all fucking places.
Joe is silent again.
Foreman: You're a good worker, Joe, but this cannot be tolerated any longer. I'm going to have to write you up this time and I'll need you to sign the paperwork. What do you think we should put in the box that says 'reason for downtime'?
At this point my bitter half couldn't keep quiet.
He keys up his mic and says "Greasing barings!"